It's Monday, July 22, and you know what that means: we have officially launched Week 5 of Bread Loaf, often referred to by experts (me) as "Hell Week." Week 5 is termed Hell Week for several reasons, but chief among them is the allusion to the last week of the Navy Seals' basic training when aspiring soldiers are pushed to the limit of human endurance. Often the soldiers are forced to hike hundreds of miles in harsh terrain, on little or no sleep, while lugging cumbersome battle gear, knowing full well that failure to complete the course will eliminate any chance of becoming a Seal.
|If you boys let go of this log, which may or may not be a phallic symbol, the terrorists will win, damn it.|
|"Say something new about Hamlet. I dare you."|
And should the English Nerd fail, the punishment is harsh and terrible. The consequence for the soldier who cannot complete Hell Week is merely the crushing disappointment of not being accepted into the ranks of the Navy Seals. The punishment for the English Nerd who fails is something beyond all evil, beyond all malignancy: a grade of B-. I shudder to write those words, folks. Somewhere a fairy elf just lost her wings.
|We're not sure this English Nerd survived his grade.|
|Maybe Edward is right; maybe my writing would benefit from total incineration.|
|Her: I loved what you said about temporality in Swan's Way. Him: Hold me.|
And so, folks, let Hell Week begin.
And may the Loafers rise to the occasion.
Semper Fi, English Nerds, Semper Fi.
Christian Patrick Clark
Front Desk Novitiate, 2012
Hic et Ubique