Post #3: America Day, American Maven

Hey Folks! Today is the 4th of July! Happy freaking 4th of July!

Kids: don't steal cigarettes from the Indians.  

Bread Loaf, as you might imagine, with its legion of teachers hailing from traditional Blue States like Massachusetts and Manhattan, isn't exactly a bastion of the traditional Rah-Rah-Let's-Go-America-We're-Number 1-(for now) cheerleading.  In fact, here's a picture of the campus American Flag.

Jingoism at its worst. 

And since I'm a registered member of the leftist political party, Anarchists for Angola, you can bet that I'm in no way intellectually sympathetic to Red State politics. However, I was raised in a Midwestern family that was proudly pro-Reagan, back when it wasn't weird to be pro-Reagan. I'm not saying we were patriotic, but this is a picture of my dad.

Pops. Right before dinnertime at the Clarke household. 

So there is a part of me that is EMOTIONALLY sympathetic. Hell, I admit it: I love America. It's the 9th greatest city in the world.  On the other hand, celebrating the 4th of July around these parts is little more subdued. 


Here are some pictures of typical Bread Loafers celebrating the 4th: 

Gandhi once said: "If we don't understand post-modern literary theory, the terrorists will win." 

Edward Brown. Front Desk Maven Overlord, House Photographer, and obsessed fan of Baltimore  area sports teams. Probably loves America, but I wouldn't know since he refuses to speak to me, except in riddles because I'm a front desk rookie.

Here's an example of one of his riddles: "I read your blog, ok? There's something seriously wrong with you, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it. You're how old? Thirty four? Thirty four years of treatment and no diagnosis? That's just sad."
See? Inscrutable. 

This is what I'm talking about: if they loved America like they say they do, why not hold classes indoors, where the peasants trying ruin this country can't see them, and they can't see the peasants trying to survive.

Hmmm. Empty Barn on the 4th? Barns are a classic symbol of America's rural past, therefore the empty barn represents? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? The answer is: Obama. 

I bet it's hard to read the Communist Manifesto in this light. 

Typical holdover from Occupy Wall Street, obviously trying to start Occupy the Barn.

This is heartbreaking. The administration found out this guy supports Mitt Romney so they administered the Bread Loaf punishment, a rich mixture of  greek mythology and C.I.A. rendition: He's been chained to this tree for 3 straight days without food or water, with a sign around his neck that says, "Romney is the Bain of My Existence." 

That's all for now, folks! Once again, have a happy 4th of July. And remember what Founding Father Thomas Jefferson said about freedom:


"Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose,
And nothin' left was all she left to me,

Feelin' good was easy, Lord, when Bobby sang the blues,
And buddy, that was good enough for me.
Good enough for me and Bobby McGee."

Enjoy. 

Christian Patrick Clarke, 

Front Desk Maven Novitiate, 2012 

Hic et Ubique